I Need Good Jokes With a Lot of Dialogue?
Question by nintendorex: I need good jokes with a lot of dialogue?
Hey guys I have an audition tomorrow and they wanna hear some type of dialogue and I was gonna tell a joke. Any ideas?
Best answer:
Answer by Salamander
Try this:)
A man sees a sign outside a house – ‘Talking Dog For Sale.’ He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Labrador Retriever sitting there. “Do you really talk?” he asks the dog.
“Yes,” the Labrador replies.
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, “So, tell me your story.”
The Labrador looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told MI5, In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow Airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I’ve just retired.”
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
“Ten quid mate” the owner says.
“£10 !!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?”
“Because he’s a lying b*****d, he’s never been out of the garden!”
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Or for something a little longer……
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.
The barman looks at him and says, “Hang on! You’re a duck.”
“I see your eyes are working,” replies the duck.
“And you can talk!” Exclaims the barman.
“I see your ears are working, too,” Says the duck.
“Now if you don’t mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?”
“Certainly, sorry about that,” Says the barman as he pulls the duck’s pint. “It’s just we don’t get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?”
“I’m working on the building site across the road,” Explains the duck. “I’m a plasterer.”
The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.
So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.
The same thing happens for two weeks…
Then one day the circus comes to town.
The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him “You’re with the circus, aren’t you?
Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!”
“Sounds marvellous,” says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. “Get him to give me a call.”
So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, “Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money.”
“I’m always looking for the next job,” Says the duck. “Where is it?”
“At the circus,” Says the barman.
“The circus?” Repeats the duck.
“That’s right,” Replies the barman.
“The circus?” The duck asks again. with the big tent?”
“Yeah,” the barman replies.
“With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?” says the duck.
Of course,” the barman replies. “And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?” persists the duck.
“That’s right!” says the barman.
The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says
“What the hell would they want with a plasterer??!”
Know better? Leave your own answer in the comments!
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